Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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