we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
