After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize