Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
