Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
