Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
