You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
