Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
