I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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