FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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