My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
