The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
