are you still at the devil's house?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
