tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
