I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But break dance skills will only take you so far
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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