Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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