I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
