We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So much rum. So many feels.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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