I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
