she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
