i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
