I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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