my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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