I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
tell me about the fingering
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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