we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
