Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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