Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
