i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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