the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
