She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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