I wish I only lived at night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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