and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
