Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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