i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
