When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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