This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
