pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
