i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
