and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
