I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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