in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
