guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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