North Korea, Best Korea!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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