Don't you send me to vm
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
