put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
