I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just invented taco cereal.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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