i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
