Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
