i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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