I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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