i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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