4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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