Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish there were birth control emojis
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is Oprah even human
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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