You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
