I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
