My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
