I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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