so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
