I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
