I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
