one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
