Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
