...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We are two peas in an std pod
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
