i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize