She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
