I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize