is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
