Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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