I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
