What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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