sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
