onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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