cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
