Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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