So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
